Pat in Person Volume 2

I'm Okay


It's cold outside, I forgot my coat
There's a great white shark swimming around my boat
I'm half a man and half a goat
But I'm okay

There's a dead guy lying on the hood of my car
I don't know where my children are
You can cover me in feathers, you can cover me in tar
But I'm okay

Chorus
I'm alright
And I'll be coming over tonight
How many times do I have to say
I'm okay, dammit, I'm okay

Italy's shaped like a boot
Switzerland is filled with loot
I'll admit I ain't too cute
But I'm okay

Chorus

I lost my girl, I lost my head
I lost my money, all my daily bread
I'm gonna spend the next ten years in bed
But I'm okay

And I may never get too far
May never be a superstar
But I still got this blue guitar
So I'm okay

Chorus

It's cold outside and I forgot my coat
A great white shark swimming around my boat
I'm half a man and half a goat
But I'm okay

I'm alright
I'm okay



Will You Ever Learn?


Chorus
Will you ever learn, will you ever learn
Which way is up, which way is down
Which is your ass, which is a hole in the ground

A guy comes up and he says "Bon journo"
The next thing you know, you're starring in a porno film
And you know what happens next
Miss PG-13 is Miss Triple X

Chorus

A guy comes up and tries to take you hostage
The next thing you know, you're a Europeon prostitute
Some times you're just too sweet
You trust everybody that you meet

Chorus

I just can't stand those wolves you run with
You're troubles would be over if you'd only come with me
I've said it all before
I would love you forever and ever more

Chorus

Will you ever learn, will you ever learn
Will you ever learn, will you ever learn
Will you ever learn, will you ever learn



Paid For Nothing


Why can't I get paid for doing nothing?
Why can't I be a lazy millionaire?
Why can't I get rich
Without having to dig ditches
Without all that sweat and toil and wear and tear?
Oh, why can't I get paid for doing nothing, nothing?
Why can't I get paid for doing nothing?

Why can't I have lots and lots of money?
When will I have more than odds and ends?
Why won't daddy give to me
A house, maybe a factory
And the names of his reactionary friends?
Oh, why can't I get paid for doing nothing, nothing?
Why can't I get paid for doing nothing?

I want to be a man of leisure
Sitting on a pile of treasure
Looking for and finding pleasure
Everywhere I turn

Well, why can't I be rich and fat and bloated
Before I work my fingers to the bone
I'll be a meglomaniac
Stab all my best friends in the back
Be greedy and die bitter and alone
Oh, why can't I get paid for doing nothing, nothing?
Why can't I get paid for doing nothing?

Absolutely nothing
Sitting on my La-Z-Boy with the remote control
Idle hands are the devil's playthings
Play with me, Satan
I want to do nothing in the Bahamas
Oh, why can't I get paid for doing nothing?



I Like Everything


I like men, I like women
I like sinkin', I like swimmin'
I like dogs and I like cats
I like cows in cowboy hats

I like knives and forks and spoons
I like whistlin' happy tunes
I like to come but not too soon
I like everything

I like milk, I like cookies
Adam 12 and The Rookies
I like peaches, I like cream
I like field and I like stream

I like diamonds, clubs and hearts
I like to order ala carte
Gee, I like your private parts
I like everything

You can never get me down
That will never happen
I will never be depressed
When my step is light and my toes are tappin'

So I like Veronica, I like Betty
I like meatballs and spaghetti
I like God and I like Buddha
I like cheddar, bree and gouda

I like Beatles, Stones and Doors
I like to shop at hardware stores
I'd like to do you on the floor
I like everything

I like men, I like women
I like sinkin', I like swimmin'
I like dogs and I like cats
I like cows in cowboy hats

I like Phil and I like Don
Happy Days, the Wrath of Khan
Won't you put these handcuffs on?
I like everything

I like water, I like wine
I like to think that love is blind
I masturbate with you in mind
I like everything



Chinese Food


All I ever eat is Chinese food (Chinese food!)
The restaurant on my street has got Chinese food (Chinese food!)
All I ever want and all I ever need
All I ever eat is Chinese food (Chinese food!)

Keep your macaroni and your cheese, give me Chinese food (Chinese food!)
And you can keep your BLTs, I like Chinese food (Chinese food!)
Hot dogs are too hot and candy is too sweet
All I ever eat is Chinese food (Chinese food!)

Hunan, Szechwan, Cantonese
Got me beggin' on my knees
Hunan, Szechwan, Cantonese
Got me beggin' please, please, please

Give me one from column A, give me Chinese food (Chinese food!)
God bless the USA, I like Chinese food (Chinese food!)
Not just now and then or for a special treat
All I ever eat is Chinese food (Chinese food!)

Take out or delivery
Chinese food for you and me
Take out or delivery
Chinese food for you and me
Pork fried rice and Egg Foo Yung
Chinese for everyone
Take out or delivery
Chinese food for you and me

Not just now and then or for a special treat
All I ever eat is Chinese food



Everyone's A Whore


You say you won't give in to temptation just to get ahead
You say you won't apologize for the nasty things you've said
You say you won't compromise your principles anymore
Let me tell you something: everyone's a whore

Everybody does things they don't want to do
Why should life be different for you?
But you say you'll never compromise your principles anymore
Let me tell you something: everyone's a whore

Everybody goes off to work to bring home some pay
And everybody ends up selling themselves in million different little ways
Everybody does what they've got to do but you don't know the score
Let me educate you: everyone's a whore

Everybody does things they don't want to do
Why should life be different for you?
Everybody does what they've got to do but you don't know the score
Let me educate you: everyone's a whore

Or else they're just a liar
We've all been used before
We've all been sick and tired
But you say you'll never compromise your principles anymore

Let me tell you something
Let me educate you
Might I just remind you
Everyone's a whore



Spank Me


Ignore me when I'm mean to you
Kiss me when I'm sweet
Shake my hand, should take command
Of some next-to-impossible feat
Help me when I'm helpless
Console me when I'm sad
Hold me when I'm lonely
And spank me when I'm bad



Ruin My Life

guitar tab
I have always been responsible
I've always had a sense of obligation to God
And the flag, to Mom and apple pie
So I, I don't know what's come over me
Don't know where it lies, this insanity
But I have to live at least once before I die

Chorus
So tonight I wanna to ruin my life
I'm going to throw it all away in a spectacular way
Tonight I wanna to ruin my life
I'm going to do something dumb and I don't care

I feel like I've been suffocating
Hesitating, waiting for a moment when I
Could even try to flap my weary arms and fly
So I know I'll miss the family
Miss the house, the dog and the Jeep Cherokee
But I have to live at least once before I die

Chorus

No, I won't care what happens when you close the door
I don't care what happens to me anymore, anymore

And I, I know I'll miss the family
Miss the house, the dog and the Jeep Cherokee
But I have to live at least once before I die

Chorus



Ann Marie

guitar tab
This situation would be so sticky
This equation wouldn't be so tricky
You would love me if you weren't so picky
Ann Marie

You think that everything I say is amusing
I think that everything you say is confusing
It's that double talk you're always using
Ann Marie, Ann Marie

But you're still the one, you're still the one
That I'll always love, no matter what
You're still the one, you're still the one
I love, no ifs ands or buts

There isn't any special time or season
There isn't any special rhyme or reason
For your million little acts of treason
Ann Marie, Ann Marie

But you're still the one, you're still the one
That I'll always love, no matter what
You're still the one, you're still the one
I love, no ifs ands or buts

This situation would be so sticky
This equation wouldn't be so tricky
You would love me if you weren't so picky
Ann Marie, Ann Marie, Ann Marie



I Like You Best

guitar tab
I like you, I like you, I like you best 'cause you're really sweet
I like you, I like you, I like you best 'cause you're really neat
We'll sit beneath a shady tree and read romantic poetry
I like you, I like you, I like you best 'cause you're really sweet

I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're on your knees
I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're on you say please
Let me put my cocktail down and you and I will go to town
I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're on your knees

I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're really drunk
I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're in the trunk
I promise not to break your heart, I'll wheel you home in a shopping cart
I like you, I like you, I like you best when you're really drunk

When you're on your knees
When you're on all fours
When you're on your back
When you're dressed in leather
'Cause you're really sweet



Thankless Bastard

guitar tab
There was an English guy with two last names
In the cubicle next to me
He was a snotty English guy with a tweed overcoat
And an air of superiority

I said "We bailed out your ass in World War Two
If not for us, you can bet that you
Would not be raising your whiny voice
You'd be goose-stepping, baby, and sprechen sie Deutche."

He was thankless bastard, yes he was
He was thankless bastard, just because

A couple days went by and I can upon a guy
Who was choking on a piece of meat
Well, I grabbed his chest and I gave it a squeeze
And he spit the meat at my feet

Well, I saved his life, but I broke his rib
I stood there proud in my lobster bib
He was nice at first, then he changed his tune
He said "You'll be hearing from my lawyer soon"

He was thankless bastard, don't know why
He was thankless bastard, I should've let him die

Now, I've sung my songs and I've sung 'em pretty well
And I've sung 'em straight from my heart
And I stand up here exposed to the world
Waiting for applause to start

So, what in hell is wrong with you
You're not doing what you're suppossed to do
I haven't heard a peep out of you yet
If this is all the thanks I get

You're all thankless bastards, yes you are
You're all thankless bastards, so far
We're all thankless bastards, are we not
We're all thankless bastards, thanks a lot



I Don't Want To Go Home


Chorus
I don't want to go
I don't want to go home
I don't want to go home
I don't want to go home

Well, I may never have another night like this
In fact, I know I'll never have another night like this
It seems to me that it could easily be
All downhill from here

Chorus

I'd just be lying wide awake there in my bed
Worst case scenarios in my head
But here we are together and we're out of our minds
I don't ever want the night to end

Chorus

No no no no one can make me go back there
No no no no one can make me go back there now

Chorus



Sex and Beer

guitar tab
St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians
Said, "It came to me upon a midnight clear
I finished writing all of my gospel
Now all I seem to want is sex and beer"

Marc Antony looked down on Caesar’s body
He said "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me you ear
I did not come here to praise Caeser
I came here for sex and beer

Chorus
Sex and beer, sex and beer
Are the two things we hold dear
Sex and beer, sex and beer
Are the things we like ‘round here

George Washington, he never crossed the Delaware
There was no midnight ride for Paul Revere
Ben Franklin never discovered electricity
They were too busy looking for sex and beer

Chorus

Charles Dickens gave us "Great Expectations"
Shakespeare gave us "Hamlet" and "King Lear"
Dostoyevsky gave us "Crime and Punishment"
Who the hell is gonna give us sex and beer

Chorus

From the city to the suburbs to the country
From the Southern to the Northern Hemisphere
They're holding a tremendous referendum
And everyone's choosing sex and beer

Chorus

They can take away my pride and my dignity
They can use up all my blood and sweat and tears
They can take away my name and give a number
But they can never take away my sex and beer

Chorus

We like sex and beer and sex and beer
And sex and beer
And sex
And beer



Say Goodbye To Yesterday

guitar tab
Chorus
Say goodbye to yesterday
Soon we will be free
Say goodbye to yesterday
Say goodbye to me

Saturday night I got loaded
I guess that's not surprising to you
Well Saturday night is here again
What am I to do?

Chorus

I met her when I was my weakest
I had no other recourse And though we never got married
We sure had a messy divorce

Chorus

Say goodbye to my old life
Hello to the new
I'm always starting over
Because that seems like the best thing to do

And when I've outlived my usefulness
And when I'm not longer so cool
I'll just move off to someplace
Where people are easy to fool

Chorus

Say goodbye to yesterday
Say godbye to me



Modern Day Miracle


The phone is ringing
Can someone make it stop?
The lights are flickering
Into my drunken eyes
Life goes on
And that's a miracle, a modern day miracle

The phone is ringing
There's someone after me
The lights are flickering
Because I didn't pay the bill
Life goes on
And that's a miracle, a modern day miracle

Well, my heart's too big and my head's too small
And I've never been with a woman
People look at me and they wonder how
I manage to get by

The phone is ringing
Operator, please
The lights are flickering
This is a disco inferno
Life goes on
And that's a miracle, a modern day miracle

Well, my eyes are pink and my nose is red
And my teeth are sunshine yellow
People look at me and they wonder how
I manage to get by

The phone is ringing
Blah blah blah blah blah
The lights are flickering
I think I'm passing out
Life goes on
And that's a miracle, a modern day miracle

It's a modern day miracle
This is a modern day miracle
It's a modern day miracle



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