On nights like this when I can't cope
I'm going to buy myself some rope
I'm feeling suicidal

And you know what I think
I'm going to get myself some Drain-o and drink
I'm feeling suicidal

I watched Geraldo, joined a witches coven
Stuck my head in a gas oven
I was feeling suicidal

And on my way home
I'll buy some sponges, condoms and foam
I'm feeling spermicidal

And in the midnight hour
I'll be Tony Perkins, hey take a shower
I'm feeling homicidal

I'll make those teenage babes flip
When I learn to curl my lip
Just like Billy Idol

I guess I don't wanna die
I should be thankful that I'm not that guy
I'm not feeling suicidal