Pat in Person

Groovy Thing

guitar tab
Chorus
Gimme that groovy thing
Gimme that
Gimme that groovy thing
Gimme that groovy thing
Gimme gimme that
Gimme that groovy thing

Don't give me your lame excuses
Don't give those Hail Mary beads
Don't tell me 'bout your "creative juices"
There's only one thing that I really need

Chorus

Don't give me your whole life story
It's probably not a whole lot different than mine
Don't give me every rock in the quarry
There's one that gets me rockin' every time

Chorus

That groovy thing, that groovy thing
That groovy thing is all I want from you
All you've gotta do is

Chorus

I don't wanna be a big disappointment
Like I've been so many times before
I don't wanna be the fly in your ointment
You won't have to worry anymore

Chorus



I Am Wonderful


Every morning when I look into the mirror
I see living proof of all my wasted years
I sing this little song -- it helps me to be strong
And all my suicidal feelings drift away

I
Am
Wonderful
I'm so wonderful
I'm a breath-taking view, a dream that's come true
It's true
I am wonderful

Every day I go to work and I want to die
Cause it's boring and pointless, demeaning
And I don't know why
Why I go on with this grind
Why I haven't lost my mind
Why I just don't buy a little airplane and fly

I am wonderful
Truly wonderful
I'm spectacular, I'm marvelous and cool
I am wonderful
Merely wonderful
I'm the Fourth of July a wide-open sky of blue
I am wonderful



Movie Stars


I don't believe in God
I don't believe in the flag
I don't believe in anything
I just believe in movie stars

They come from Heaven in Italian cars
And I believe that they are almost divine
They have sex all the time and it's good
It's always good 'cause it's with movie stars

Their thoughts are so much more profound than ours
And I believe that they know things I'll never know
Go places I'll never go
They're so smart and their teeth are perfect

And when I go to church
Down at the multiplex
I pay my seven bucks
I eat some Raisinettes

I stare up at the screen
I wait with bated breath
I wait with bated breath
I wait I wait I wait I wait for movie stars

From Mt. Olympus or Mt. Palomar
And I believe they've got impeccable taste
They make this world a better place to live in

I don't wanna live in a world without movie stars
Look in the sky it's a bird it's a plane
No it's a movie star



Disaster Girl

guitar tab
She's the Hindenburg, the Titanic
Mt. St. Helens and the bank panic
My -- my Disaster Girl

In San Francisco she's the fault line
On the Poseidon she's Ernest Borgnine
My -- my Disaster Girl

Chorus
Everywhere she goes everything goes wrong
I can keep her out of trouble
But I don't know for how long

She's in the new testament and the old one
She's two world wars plus the cold one
My -- my Disaster Girl

Chorus

She's the Chicago fire, Hurricane Camille
The first footstep on the first banana peel
She's my -- my Disaster Girl



Jesus

guitar tab
He's dressed in white, He's always clean
He's my main man from the Nazarene
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
He's making a list and he's checking it twice

Don't let Jesus break your dishes
Heaping on those loaves and fishes
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
He's gonna find out who's naughty and nice

Jesus at a party has a real good time
Changes water into Boonesfarm wine
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
His favorite song is Foreigner's "Cold as Ice"

Jesus drinks until he's unconscious
Look out Jesus -- Here comes Pontius
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
He's the guy who played Crockett on Miami Vice

Noah begat Ham, Ham begat Shem
Who begat my friend from Bethlehem
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
When he wants to pick up chicks he puts on a little Old Spice

Joseph said to Mary,"Say what?"
That conception was immaculate
Jesus -- Jesus Christ
He's making a list and he's checking it twice



Oh Man, I Understand

guitar tab
I was afraid to go out in the city
Oh man I understand
I was feeling so blue and so shitty
Oh man I understand

So I stood in the shower just singing
Oh man I understand
And the phone started ringing and ringing
Oh man I understand
Oh man do I understand

I had no motivation left in me
I was smoking Capris like a chimney
And I felt like the world's last survivor
Watching reruns of Chips and MacGyver
Oh man, do I understand

I understand that some days are good
Some days are bad
Some days are boring
And some are just sad
Especially these when you're not here with me

So I'll wait for you to come save me
I won't join the marines or the navy
And tonight there'll be music and laughter
We'll stay happily here ever after
Oh man do I understand



You Need Me

guitar tab
You don't need no mystic crystal underneath your bed
You don't need an acupuncture needle in your head
You don't need no holy man to ease your troubled mind
You don't need to look too far for what you're trying to find

Chorus
You need me
You need me
You need me to show you how love is supposed to be

You don't need to walk on fire you'll just burn your feet
You don't need an automatic weapon on the street
You don't need no self-help books by no self-made millionaires
You don't need to look too far to find someone who cares

Chorus



Imagine A Picture


I'm a patient man you know I am
But you're pushing me to the limit
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

You've been on my back for a trillion years
I can't take another minute
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

Imagine a picture of me in a Cadillac
Speeding out of town
Imagine a picture of our happy home
Burning to the ground

It's an endless fight -- I'm wrong you're right
There's no way I can win it
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it



Knock Things Over

guitar tab
Chorus
Let's get together and knock things over
Let's get together and wiggle around
Let's get together and knock things over
I love to see things falling down

There goes the clock, a glass of water
We can't stop although we oughtta
'Cause we're gonna get a shock when the clock gets wet
Hey there goes the remote from the TV set

Chorus

There goes the lamp, there goes the table
The radio, the TV cable
And when this little bed starts to shake too much
Hey there goes an ashtray full of cigarette butts

And while this room goes up in flames
We're gonna shake the pictures right outta their frames

Chorus



I'm The Clown At Your Birthday Party


I'm the clown at your birthday party
Rub my head and pinch my nose
I'm the chap with a million laughs
And the polyester clothes

I'm the clown at your birthday party
Look at my great big floppy feet
I'll make you smile for a little while
Then you'll get tired of me

I'm here for your amusement
And for your refusement
I'm here to do some card tricks
And fall way short on the yardstick of your love
I'm not the one that you've been dreaming of

I'm the clown at your birthday party
Stick that dollar in my underpants
I can sing most anything
And do my birthday dance

I'm the clown at your birthday party
I'm the waiter in your restaurant
Snap your fingers I will bring you
Anything you want

I'm the clown at your birthday party
I'm the clerk at your convenience store
There's no doubt you'll check me out
And then you'll just get bored

I'm here for your commanding
And for your demanding
I'm here to do your bidding
So you can say that you were just kidding too



Freudian Love Song


Last night I awoke from a deep deep sleep
I awoke and remembered my dreams
That's not something that I usually do
You could shoot me and I'd sleep right thru
But lately I've been so confused
Maybe you can tell me why
Why in my dreams I was

Chorus
Falling down a hole
Speeding through a tunnel
Spelunking in a cave
Oh what did it mean
Flowing down a drain
Hurtling down a mine shaft
Stuck in quicksand
You were in my dreams

Well I know we just met
and we're hardly even friends
But I can't get you out of my mind
I probably shouldn't be telling you this
After all we never even kissed
Tell me something I might have missed
Maybe you can tell me why

Why in my dreams I was
Watering the lawn
Shooting Roman candles
Watching Old Faithful
Oh what did it mean
Putting out a fire
Filling up a gas tank
Mailing a letter
You were in my dreams.

And do you dream about telephone poles
Carrots and zucchini
Riding a wild stallion
Or making love with me

Chorus



Michael Stipe


This is a song about Michael Stipe
He's an artiste of a different stripe
He's the sensitive, silent type
No one can brood like Michael Stipe

He and his friends play in REM
They say that college kids are really into them
Play all their records again and again
They like Michael Stipe, they like REM

So I stood in the place where I lived
Wondering what the hell did he mean by that
He's gotta be the shiniest happiest guy
And I love his cute little hat

So this was a song about Michael Stipe
I believe in the man I believe all the hype
Maybe someday when the time is ripe
I'll write another song about Michael Stipe



Thousand Times Why


Well, you fumbled in the foyer with a lawyer
Then you kissed your psychiatrist
You took off your clothes and jumped into a fountain
With a Certified Public Accountant

You took a gift from a Greek
Every day last week
And you ran your hands up and down
His Greek physique

Chorus
Why, why, a thousand times why
Don't you love me
No matter how hard that I try
Oh why, a thousand times why

Then you were off to the races with a racist
Holding hands with a handy man
You went to an ice cream social
With and ice cream socialist

I've got a love so true
And it waits for you
But I can't get in
And I can't get through to you

Chorus



Be Together Soon

guitar tab
Well, I don't much but I can see
That I love you and you love me
We didn't plan this out - it was luck
And we don't make love, we just
Circle 'round the bed wearing wicked smiles
With our clothes in every corner of the room
I hope that we can be together soon

Well, our hearts beat fast, the music's slow
We've got the hi-fi high
And the lights down low
You say, "come here daddy and kiss me quick"
I touch your hand and you touch my
Heart like no else has ever touched before
And soon you're wearing nothing but perfume
I hope that we can be together soon

Because when you're not here, I feel lost
I got my doors wide open and my fingers crossed
When you're not here, I can't wait
I take a long hot bath and I master
French and Italian and a little bit of Greek
I write a little poem about the moon
I hope that we can be together soon



Promise Me


In the morning when I wake up
If indeed I ever wake up again
Promise me you'll be there
Promise me you'll be there
And not some place else
Promise me you'll be there

And if I hurt you I don't mean it
It's not me it's just some scared old man
Promise me you won't cry
Promise me you won't cry
Don't let the tears fall down
Promise me you won't cry

Promise me you'll love me still
When no one else around here will
Promise me you won't forget me
I can change things if you let me

I hope I make you somewhat happy
Hope you smile when you think about me
Promise me you won't lie to me
Promise me you won't lie
Just tell me how you feel
Promise me you won't lie

And promise me that you will stay
When everybody else just drifts away
Promise me you won't forget me
I can change things if you let me

First verse



God

guitar tab
God loves capitalists more than communists.
God loves fundamentalists more than Methodists.
God loves Americans more than Canadians.
God loves nuclear power

God loves the stars and stripes.
God loves Handi-Wipes, thinks they're so convenient.
God knows where the yellow went.
God has a VCR.
John Wayne is the biggest star, up in the Ivory Tower.

God doesn't love the Pope.
God likes Pepsi more than Coke.
He won't drive a Subaru or a BMW.
God packs a magnum for protection not for fun.
God says make my day.

God votes Republican, the only way to get things done.
God loves makin' dough, don't like payin' taxes though.
God loves Disneyland, loves a man to be a man.
God loves the USA.

God loves democracy more than aristocracy.
God hates Iraqians, Russians, Jews and Libyans
(And anyone else who isn't a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant).
God is good, God is great.
God don't like the welfare state
(He hates Sweden).
God drives a Chevrolet.

God made petroleum to make my Winnebago run.
God made plants and trees.
We can waste them as we please.
God loves the strong and tall.
God loves white folks most of all.
God loves the USA.
God loves the USA.
God loves the USA.
He told me personally, and I know what God likes



I'm Not Afraid


Chorus
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid anymore

I'm not afraid of Heaven
I'm not afraid of Hell
I'm not afraid to love somebody
Neither wisely nor well

I'm not afraid of the black man
Like I'm supposed to be
I'm not afraid of the yellow man
He never did nothing -- nothing to me

Chorus

I'm not afaid of my shadow
I'm not afraid of the dark
I'm not afraid of a broken promise
Or a broken heart

I'm not afraid of the future
I'm not ashamed of the past
I'm not afraid of looking like a fool
or falling down flat -- flat on my ass

Chorus

I'm not afraid that tomorrow
When I might be down
I'm not afraid that a bunch of guys named Ivan
Will invade my home

I'm not afraid of the government
What can it possibly do?
The only thing I'm afraid of
I'm so afraid of losing you

Chorus



Copyright © 1995-2018 Pat McCurdy • All rights reserved