The Big Bright Beautiful World of Pat McCurdy

It Doesn't Matter


It doesn't matter if you're old
It doesn't matter if you're young
It doesn't matter if you're smart
It doesn't matter if you're dumb
It doesn't matter if you're big
It doesn't matter if you're small
It doesn't matter if you run
It doesn't matter if you crawl
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter if you're plain
It doesn't matter if you're pretty
If you're living on the farm
If you're living in the city
It doesn't matter if you will
It doesn't matter if you won't
It doesn't matter what you wear
It doesn't matter what you don't
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter

Now you might think that you're the center of the Universe
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter if you're good
It doesn't matter if you're bad
It doesn't matter who you know
It doesn't matter who you've had
It doesn't matter what you say
It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter where you are
Or where you might be going to
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter if you're black
It doesn't matter if you're white
If you're standing in the dark
If you're standing in the light
It doesn't matter what you want
It doesn't matter what you need
It doesn't matter if you beg
It doesn't matter if you plead
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter

Now you might think that you're the center of the Universe
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter if you're rich
It doesn't matter if you're poor
It doesn't matter how you look
Or what you're looking for
It doesn't matter if you laugh
It doesn't matter if you cry
It doesn't matter how you live
It doesn't matter how you die
It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter

Now you might think that you're the center of the Universe
You might think that you're the center of the Universe
You might think that you're the center of the Universe
It doesn't matter



Goofy Town

guitar tab
Chorus
I live in Goofy Town with all the idiots
And we don't have a clue, but we're content
I live in Goofy Town where all the morons are
Completely out of whack and really bent

I got no sense, I got no senses
I got no natural defenses
I got no past of future tenses
I'm a man without a memory

Chorus

I never feel compassion
That kind of thing is out of fashion
Give me a hammer, I'll start smashin'
And all our problems will be solved

Chorus

Really bent, really bent, I am really very bent
I'm one hundred ten percent bent
And I'm wondering how my life went
So astray, hey, hey!

So if you need, a new beginning
A new local, to do your sinning
If you don't care which team is winning
Welcome to my home

Chorus



Screw You

guitar tab
You wanna know what I've been doing
Since you left me with a broken heart
I get the feeling that you're hoping
That I'm still miserable, still torn apart
You wanna know what I've been up to
Since you walked out and turned me upside down
Well, I won't lie to you

Chorus
I've been going out, having fun, making friends
Screw you
Going places, running wild, meeting people
It's true

Doing things I couldn't do
All those years I spent with you
Never thought forgetting you
Would be so easy

You only come back when you want to make sure
That you're still in control
Now and then you have to let me know
That you own my heart and soul
And you don't care what I've been doing
Since you've left me, I'll tell you anyway
And I won't lie to you

Chorus

One thing you can do for me:
Get out of my memory
I never thought that being free
Would feel so joyful

You say this is how our relationship ends
We can still be friends
I don't believe I've ever heard
Such utter bullshit

Well, I've been going out, having fun, making friends
Screw you
Going places, running wild, meeting people
Screw you
Going out, getting drunk, having sex
Screw you
Going out, writing checks, using your bank card
Screw you
Going out, having fun, making friends
Screw you



Toast

guitar tab
Well, the kids are playing in an old refrigerator
And you're face down on the floor
Grandma's just as drunk as you are
Grandpa's blind and driving

Chorus
I can't get the toast out of here
I can't get it out
I can't get the toast out of here
But if I had a fork then I could get the toast out of here
If I had a fork then I could get the toast out of here

Well, the kids are playing with a pack of matches
And a pile of oily rags
You're laying down on the operating table
From carrying scissors from running

Chorus

Well, the kids are dropping out of junior high school
And you're drinking beer through a straw
Grandpa's plotting to kill the President
Grandma's with her pimp
Me, I'm waiting for the next Big Bang
To blow everything to bits
We all get together on Christmas Day and sing Joy To The World
We all get together on Christmas Day and sing Joy To The World

Chorus



I Don't Come From No Monkey


Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.

I don't come from no monkey, don't you tell me that
Although I'm very hairy, that still don't change a fact
That God created Adam, took his rib and He made Eve
They didn't look like monkeys, they looked just like you and me

Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
They didn't look like monkeys, they looked just like you and me
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.

I don't come from no monkey, how dare you say I do
I don't swing on a worn out tire, I don't live in a zoo
I ain't no egghead scientist, but I know what I know
I know I ain't no monkey, the Bible tells me so

Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
I know I ain't no monkey, the Bible tells me so

You say my daddy was a gorilla, an ape who learned to talk
And my mother was a monkey girl who stood up straight and walked
No!
I don't come from no monkey
Huh! Whoa whoa whoa whoa
I don't come from no monkey
I don't come from no monkey, no, that's not it at all
I ain't got no Uncle Piltdown or no Aunt Neaderthal
So forget those cosmic questions that you've been ponderin'
Put your faith in the Bible, don't question anything

Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Put your faith in the Bible, don't question anything
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh oh oh oh oh)
Put your faith in the Bible, don't question anything
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.
Mmm, huh! Whoa whoa whoa.

I don't come from no monkey
Whoa w



CK1


Everybody smells like CK1
Everybody smells like CK1
Everybody smells like CK1
How am I supposed to get anything done

Everybody looks like they're hooked on crack
Everybody looks like they're hooked on smack
Everybody looks like they're hooked on crack
Well they were hooked on phonics just a few years back

Everybody wants to be my very best friend
I just want to be left alone

Everybody's acts like they've seen it all
Everybody's acts like they know it all
Everybody's acts like they've done it all
That just ain't no fun at all

Everybody acts like I don't deserve to be here
I just want to be left alone

Everybody's so afraid to die
Everybody's so afraid to die
Everybody's so afraid to die
Guess what? So am I

Everybody wants to be my very best friend
I just want to be left alone



New Clothes


You lit a candle, I poured some pink champagne
And on the table was one red rose
You tore my clothes off, I tore your clothes off too
Well, I suppose, we'll need new clothes

Pull off your pullover, discard my cardigan
Slip off those slippers, take off your hose
We'll never find them tomorrow morning, no
Well, I suppose, we'll need new clothes

I'll buy a pair of pants, oh boy
Corduroy
I wish, I wish that everyone could have some brand new corduroy pants
Bell bottoms!

It's so romantic, this walking in the rain
Brushing the raindrops off of your nose
We hardly notice we're getting soaking wet
Well, I suppose, we need new clothes

You'll buy an evening dress some day
Gold lame'
I wish, I wish that everyone could have a shiny gold lame' dress
Bell bottoms!

So light that candle, I'll pour some pink champagne
Put on some music, la via rose
Then tear my clothes off
I'll tear your clothes off too

Well, I suppose, we'll need new clothes
Yeah, I suppose, we'll need new clothes
Yeah, I suppose, we'll need new clothes

Won't we both look fine in our new clothes
Won't we both look fine in our new clothes
Won't we both look fine in our new clothes



Sittin' In Church


I'm sittin' in church
Thinkin' about your body
And how good it feels
I'm praying for one more chance to feel it
If you ever reveal it to me once more

I'm sittin' in church
Thinkin' about your body
And that blissful night
I'm praying that there might be another
If I ever recover from the other one before

I'm sittin' in church
Thinkin' about your body
I'm sittin' in church
Thinkin' about your body, yes I am
I'm sittin' in church
Thinkin' about your
Thinkin' about your
Thinkin' about your body



I Was High

guitar tab
You like to reminisce about the night that we first met
When I said hello and lit the wrong end of my cigarette
You tell me it was magical and mystical
And later on, quite physical
The first tiny step on the road of our lives together
A night that we'll share in our hearts and minds forever
But was it August or September?
I was high so I don't remember

You like to reminisce about the night that we were wed
When wee cut the cake and then we ran off to our nuptial bed
You tell me it was beutiful, mysterious
Both of us, delirious
The next giant step on the road of our lives together
A night that we'll share in our hearts and minds forever
But was it August or September?
I was high so I don't remember

You like to reminisce about when you were just a kid
And you regale me with the wild and dangerous things you did
Like how you used to cheer the team
And go on dates
Now and then, stay out too late
You were wholesome and trustworthy
Back then when nobody trusted me
Your boyfriend was in a tuxedo
And I was in custody
Now, did I meet you that November?
I was high so I don't remember

I was high
I was high
I was high
I was high



Thankless Bastard

guitar tab
There's an English guy with two last names
In the cubicle next to me
He was a snotty English guy with a tweed overcoat
And an air of superiority

I said "We bailed out your ass in World War Two
If not for us, you can bet that you
Would not be raising your whiny voice
You'd be goose-stepping, baby, and sprechen sie Deutche."

He was thankless bastard, yes he was
He was thankless bastard, just because

A couple days went by and I can upon a guy
Who was choking on a piece of meat
Well, I grabbed his chest and I gave it a squeeze
And he spit it out at my feet

Well, I saved his life, but I broke his rib
I stood there proud in my lobster bib
He was nice at first, then he changed his tune
He said "You'll be hearing from my lawyer soon"

He was thankless bastard, don't know why
He was thankless bastard, my oh my

Now, I've sung my songs and I've sung 'em pretty well
And I've sung 'em straight from my heart
And I'm standing here, exposed to the world
Waiting for applause to start

So, what in hell is wrong with you
You're not doing what you're suppossed to do
I haven't heard a peep out of you yet
If this is all the thanks I get

You're all thankless bastards, yes you are
You're all thankless bastards, so far
You're all thankless bastards, are you not
You're all thankless bastards, thanks a lot



Some Of My Friends


Some of my friends are living in oblivion
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are living in the looney bin
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are living in the past now
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are living too fast now
Oh my my, oh my my

Some of my friends don't care about anything
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends can't stop worrying
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are way too cynical
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are waiting for a miracle
Oh my my, oh my my

Some of my friends are angry
And some of them are not
Sometimes they don't appreciate
The good things that they've got

Some of my friends have turned into Republicans
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Uptight, hostile, bigoted Republicans
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends have turned into their parents
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends sell life insurance
Oh my my, oh my my

Some of my friends are too afraid
To leave their living room
Sometimes I think they'd like to crawl
Right back into the womb

Some of my friends are intellectuals
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are heterosexuals
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are real religious
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are real contagious
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are strangers to reality
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends have multiple personalities
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are total misfits
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are potential statistics
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are vegetarians
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are vegetarians
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are Octaganerians
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are experimental
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends have health and dental
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends got growing pains
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends got shit for brains
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are nasty drunks
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are Buddhist monks
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends ain't whistling Dixe
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are elves and pixies
Oh my my, oh my my
Some of my friends are quite contrary
Oh my my, oh my my my my my
Some of my friends are imaginary
Oh my my, oh my my
Oh my my, oh my my
Oh my my, oh my my



Goofy Town (reprise)






Every Day Is Christmas


The Quakers are fighting
The Amish are watching TV
The French are polite
Just as friendly as they can be
The Germans are messy
The Japanese are dumb
The Irish are sober
The Baptists have drunk all the rum
The world's in front of my eyes
But I can hardly believe

Every day is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve

All the men have mustaches
They're stuck on their upper lips
The women wear dresses
They're pulled way up over their hips
And they look at each other
So seductivly
Their movements are smooth
Just like choreography
I know that I don't belong here
But I'm way too excited to leave

Every day is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve

The take-out is took out
The drive-in is closed for repairs
And nobody's raising their voice
Except on a dare
Our money's all gone
We don't care
We'll just have to figure out
How to get from here to there
We all want to go but
We don't have the courage to leave

Every day is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve

The Quakers are fighting
The Amish are watching TV
Everyone seems to be out of their minds
Except for me
The floor is knee deep in confetti
And broken glass
Everyone's living their life
Like it might be their last
This world is so strange
And I can hardly believe

Every day is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve



This Time Next Year


Every dream I had is broken
Every bubble has been burst
Every ray of hope is fading
And things can't get much worse

Chorus
This time
Next year
I'll go down
To the ocean
Jump in
And I'll float away

Well the rain came down in buckets
For thirty-nine days and nights
The next day the sun was shining
So I guess we'll be all right

Chorus

I've got to clear away the cobwebs
That completely cover me
Find a brand new way of living
And a change of scenery

Chorus

I'm going to float away



Copyright © 1995-2018 Pat McCurdy • All rights reserved